We sometimes could not understand why there are people, even the attractive and good ones remain unmarried, when we know, from experience, that having “crushes” or falling in love during sometime in our life seem inescapable. Being attracted to the opposite sex is indeed unavoidable, but deciding to be with somebody, who used to be a stranger and could not promise a guarantee of a peaceful and happy life for us, is another matter. There are variety of reasons why some people end up single, either by choice or by circumstance/s.
To support schooling
One is the desire to help their parents support their siblings’ collegiate education. The Filipino family, which is (more often that not) besieged with poverty, is a closely knit one, wherein members – usually the elder ones – often sacrifice themselves or defer their gratification so they could help their siblings to obtain a collegiate degree. As most Filipino families are large, averaging about 6-8 members, the kindhearted elder sons/daughters often find themselves entangled in seemingly endless task of supporting a sibling one after another, even when after their beneficiaries graduate or find a job as the latter oftentimes get married and start a family of their own immediately instead of taking the turn to support their siblings younger than them. Some would not mind to continue their role of supporting the education of their siblings, even when the older ones they had supported had taken a stable job but would not chip in the family expenses as they already have a family of their own. They do not have the heart to deny their younger siblings financial assistance, knowing that without a college degree, their chances of a future life brighter than what they had is small.
No “right” partner
Another reason for some people to remain single is the inability to find the right partner. Usually, high achievers in school and in employment, particularly women, find difficulty finding the right partner. In our culture, men have been assigned by society to be the decision makers and breadwinners, hence husbands are expected to be more intelligent and to have higher income that their respective wives. Sometimes, even is intelligent women lower their standards, they find it hard to elevate their tolerance for mediocre partners and their respect towards the latter is often adversely affected by their mediocrity because women, in general, look up the men as the leaders and therefore should show qualities befitting a leader and not depend mostly on the woman’s wisdom. As to the amount of income their partners make, women generally do not make a big fuss on this, provided that they are fully convinced that their men courted them not because of their (the women’s) higher earnings and provided that their partners try to compensate this lack by being supportive, not only in their emotional aspect but also in other facets of the wife’s endeavor that ultimately benefit the family.
Fear of Failure
Some women feel that men, in general, prefer the almost flawless beauties for their partners and knowing that they are not perfect (although they may be attractive in some physical aspects), they have the insecurity that their partners may be attracted to other women, who may be equally pretty or even much prettier and younger than they are. This thought alone scares them to death and oftentimes, the fear may incapacitate them to be emotionally intimate with a man, especially so if they had experienced to be jilted for another woman. Thus, they prefer a life of aloneness and occasional loneliness over a possible recurrence of heartaches.
Other Reasons
Afraid of re-experiencing the difficulties in life, other single individuals are so busy earning a living, accepting supplementary jobs, left and right, to augment their basic salaries, so they could provide their family better life than what they had in the past. These people do not even have the time to date with their suitors for to them, time spent for no other than earning a living, sleeping, eating and taking a bath is time wasted. In other words, these people do not even have time for courtship.
Others are afraid to make a commitment because they had traumatic experiences in their past love life. Perhaps, they realized that their previous partner courted them not for love but for economic security. Or, they were once or twice victims of philandering partners. They are scared of the risk in forging another intimate relationship. They are afraid to re-experience the pain should the relationship not turn out right. This fear recurs when they see the problems and heartaches of many married women among their relatives, neighbors, officemates, friends and acquaintances. Indeed, they are witnesses to the countless marriages that have been beset by conflicts, infidelity, and incompatibilities, making them overcautious not to commit the same mistake again, and in the process, they unknowingly let many opportunities to find the fairly good partner pass by.
To support schooling
One is the desire to help their parents support their siblings’ collegiate education. The Filipino family, which is (more often that not) besieged with poverty, is a closely knit one, wherein members – usually the elder ones – often sacrifice themselves or defer their gratification so they could help their siblings to obtain a collegiate degree. As most Filipino families are large, averaging about 6-8 members, the kindhearted elder sons/daughters often find themselves entangled in seemingly endless task of supporting a sibling one after another, even when after their beneficiaries graduate or find a job as the latter oftentimes get married and start a family of their own immediately instead of taking the turn to support their siblings younger than them. Some would not mind to continue their role of supporting the education of their siblings, even when the older ones they had supported had taken a stable job but would not chip in the family expenses as they already have a family of their own. They do not have the heart to deny their younger siblings financial assistance, knowing that without a college degree, their chances of a future life brighter than what they had is small.
No “right” partner
Another reason for some people to remain single is the inability to find the right partner. Usually, high achievers in school and in employment, particularly women, find difficulty finding the right partner. In our culture, men have been assigned by society to be the decision makers and breadwinners, hence husbands are expected to be more intelligent and to have higher income that their respective wives. Sometimes, even is intelligent women lower their standards, they find it hard to elevate their tolerance for mediocre partners and their respect towards the latter is often adversely affected by their mediocrity because women, in general, look up the men as the leaders and therefore should show qualities befitting a leader and not depend mostly on the woman’s wisdom. As to the amount of income their partners make, women generally do not make a big fuss on this, provided that they are fully convinced that their men courted them not because of their (the women’s) higher earnings and provided that their partners try to compensate this lack by being supportive, not only in their emotional aspect but also in other facets of the wife’s endeavor that ultimately benefit the family.
Fear of Failure
Some women feel that men, in general, prefer the almost flawless beauties for their partners and knowing that they are not perfect (although they may be attractive in some physical aspects), they have the insecurity that their partners may be attracted to other women, who may be equally pretty or even much prettier and younger than they are. This thought alone scares them to death and oftentimes, the fear may incapacitate them to be emotionally intimate with a man, especially so if they had experienced to be jilted for another woman. Thus, they prefer a life of aloneness and occasional loneliness over a possible recurrence of heartaches.
Other Reasons
Afraid of re-experiencing the difficulties in life, other single individuals are so busy earning a living, accepting supplementary jobs, left and right, to augment their basic salaries, so they could provide their family better life than what they had in the past. These people do not even have the time to date with their suitors for to them, time spent for no other than earning a living, sleeping, eating and taking a bath is time wasted. In other words, these people do not even have time for courtship.
Others are afraid to make a commitment because they had traumatic experiences in their past love life. Perhaps, they realized that their previous partner courted them not for love but for economic security. Or, they were once or twice victims of philandering partners. They are scared of the risk in forging another intimate relationship. They are afraid to re-experience the pain should the relationship not turn out right. This fear recurs when they see the problems and heartaches of many married women among their relatives, neighbors, officemates, friends and acquaintances. Indeed, they are witnesses to the countless marriages that have been beset by conflicts, infidelity, and incompatibilities, making them overcautious not to commit the same mistake again, and in the process, they unknowingly let many opportunities to find the fairly good partner pass by.
0 comments:
Post a Comment